


The Great Matchmaker

by dgalerab



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (Though lots of mentions so rating is there to be safe), Established Kuroken, F/M, Fluff, Honestly Kuroken are the only ones to have their shit together, How Do I Tag, M/M, Matchmaker Suga, Maybe a smidge of smut but nothing really explicit, Meddling, Other, Sugawara is a devious person at heart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-07-15 16:43:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7230493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dgalerab/pseuds/dgalerab
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sugawara Koushi is a Really Nice Person. A Really Nice Person who's surrounded by utterly hopeless almost-couples. He just wants them to be happy, really.</p><p>Really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Matchmaker

**Author's Note:**

> I was mean to Suga in an earlier fic, so now I have to write a fluffy story with him as the main character. Life's so hard. (jk I adore Suga.)

Sugawara Koushi’s life of crime starts on Valentine’s day in his third year of college.

It’s not that he’s been innocent so far, really. Suga has seen more than his fair share of just about every imaginable body part (though there’s a few that he’d really like to unsee) and he has his devious moments.

It’s just that, innocent or not, Suga prides himself on being a Really Nice Person, which is why it’s kind of odd for him to be crawling into a girls’ dorm room window in secret.

Luckily, there’s no chance that he’s going to do something really terrible like find one of the girls changing, because Suga has enlisted Kuroo to distract them while he does this. Which is a bad sign. Kuroo Tetsurou might be a big ball of fluff under that messy hair and scary grin, but he’s a devious plotter, and if Suga has had to enlist him for a convoluted plot, there’s no doubt that there’s deviancy involved.

Suga pulls the stuffed teddy bear in his jacket out and holds it in front of him. “Daichi…” Suga whispers. “You owe me so bad.”

-X-

The facts are these.

Daichi is in love with Michimiya. Suga knows this, in part, because Valentine’s day is coming up and they’ve spent an _impossible_ amount of time looking for the _perfect_ present for her. By the fourth time Daichi picks out a present, declares it perfect, then puts it back, Suga wants to strangle him, Really Nice Personhood be damned.

Finally, dear lord, finally, Daichi picks out the blessed teddy bear. It’s purple, Michimiya’s favorite color, and it’s winking. It’s very cute, and Michimiya will love it. Suga wants to cry when Daichi finally buys the bear.

He almost does cry when after all that, Daichi loses his nerve. “It’s weird to give her a gift like this if we’re not dating, isn’t it?”

“Of course not,” Suga says, though at this point he’d say anything if it would just get Daichi to give Michimiya the darn bear that Suga spent his whole day trying to find with Daichi.

“Maybe I shouldn’t give it to her,” Daichi says, and he tucks it into his closet.

Suga resists the urge to slam his head into the wall.

Which is how he finds himself in Michimiya’s room, slipping the bear into Michimiya’s bag, a crow keychain wrapped around its neck so that it’s obvious who left it there. Of course, Michimiya’s just been with Daichi, and she hasn’t had time to check her bag before Kuroo swooped in, so it’ll look like Daichi slipped it into her bag while they were together. But Suga wants to play it safe.

He can hear voices outside of the door, and he starts, dashing to the balcony and trying to clamber down quickly. He loses his footing halfway over, and he tumbles into the grass below him with a thud.

Hinata and Kageyama blink at him. They seem to be right in the middle of a slap fight, or possibly that’s just how they always are. Suga sits up, wincing. “Don’t mention this to anyone, ok?” he mutters, as he clambers to his feet.

“Ok,” they say, watching Suga stumble off, rubbing his back tenderly.

-X-

Suga doubles back to Kuroo’s room, ready to thank him.

It takes him a second to recognize Kuroo, because Kuroo’s hair is… actually… neat?

“What did you do?” Suga whispers.

“I asked the girls to help me get my hair out of my eyes. You know. For the distraction,” Kuroo says, and now that the shock is fading out, Suga can take in the glory of the sparkly headband pushing Kuroo’s hair out of his face, straggler locks pinned back with cute, flowery pins.

He finds himself wheezing out a laugh, groaning when that pulls at the bruises on his back.

“Guess you took one for the team too, huh?” Kuroo asks with a grin.

“At least I got the bear into her bag,” Suga mutters, rubbing at his back.

“Hold on,” Kuroo says, opening their minifridge. “We’ve got a bag of frozen strawberries you can put on that.”

He wraps it into a kitchen towel and hands it to Suga, who gratefully pushes it on the bruise. He looks at Kuroo, and snorts again. “You actually look kind of cute like this,” he says.

Kuroo sighs. “I know. It wouldn’t fit my image at all,” he mutters. “Though I kind of like it.”

Kenma shuffles into the room right then, and at first he doesn’t look up, but when he does, he lets out a loud snort and then claps his hand over his mouth.

“Was that a laugh?” Kuroo coos, sliding past Suga to get in his boyfriend’s face. Kenma shakes his head desperately, still clamping his hand over his mouth. “Do you like it?”

Kenma pulls his hand away to say, “You look ridiculous,” though his voice is a little strained and Suga thinks he might start laughing again.

“But cute ridiculous, right?” Kuroo insists.

Kenma rolls his eyes and drops his bag onto the bed, ignoring Kuroo, at which point Kuroo pouts at him. “How’d your plan go, Koushi?” Kenma asks.

“The bear is in position,” Suga says with a grin. Kenma quietly takes in his stooped position and the bag of strawberries on his back, and simply raises an eyebrow.

“We all made our sacrifices,” Kuroo says with an overly dramatic whisper.

“Kuro…” Kenma mutters. “Please let your hair down.”

“Never,” Kuroo says, putting his hands on his hips and staring off into the distance. “I will wear these battle scars proudly.”

Suga meets Kenma’s exasperated eyes with an apologetic smile. Kuroo grabs Suga and pulls him to the door. “Come on, time to spy,” he says, cracking the door open and pushing Suga towards it so that Suga can also watch Michimiya’s door.

“Kuroo…” Suga sighs, but before he can say anything, Michimiya is bouncing out of the door, bear in hand, a bright smile on her face. She skips over to Daichi’s room, which is just beside Kuroo’s. Suga can hear her knocking, and he shifts a little so he can still see her.

“Is this from you?” she asks brightly when Daichi opens the door, holding up the bear.

“Uhhh…” comes Daichi’s voice. “Yes?”

“I love it!” she laughs, clutching it to her chest.

“Uh…” Daichi says. “Do you… maybe… uh… want to go for coffee? With me? As a date?”

“I’d love to!”

Suga sighs in relief, and Kuroo pats him on the shoulder in congratulations. “Well done, Mr. Bond,” Kuroo says with a grin. “I guess your bruises are worth it.”

“I wouldn’t go that far…” Suga sighs.

Still, he’s pretty proud of himself.

But he’s not planning on doing this again anytime soon.

He’s not.

-X-

Oikawa Tooru ruins everything. Which is terrible, because Oikawa Tooru lives one, very thin, very flimsy wall away from Suga.

He’s considered switching beds with Asahi, just so that he can be a little further from the wall, and closer to some neighbors that aren’t self-centered nymphomaniacs. Except that means that Asahi will be the one lying here at night, knowing he’s only a few centimeters away from Oikawa and his… exploits.

Asahi’s soul is too pure for that.

Suga groans and shoves his pillow over his head, but he can still hear the moaning…

It’s ten times worse when it’s Iwaizumi. Suga doesn’t know if either Iwaizumi or Oikawa has noticed, but _Suga_ has noticed. When it’s some random hookup, Suga can at most hear the partner’s occasional moans or the bed banging against the wall, but when it’s _Iwaizumi_ …

Suga sighs as he hears another loud keening from Oikawa and sits up. It’s three in the morning and there’s no way he can sleep like this. There’s no way he can _live_ like this.

He plods over to Kuroo’s. They’ve always got an open bed, though how they can manage to sleep together in a tiny twin bed each night is a mystery to Suga. He knocks softly, but they call him in immediately, Kenma still up and playing games, and Kuroo bent over his desk studying.

“I’m going to swear celibacy,” he gasps. At this point, anything sexual has been ruined for him by the fact that he constantly has to _hear_ it. From _Oikawa_ , of all people.

“Oikawa?” Kuroo asks, looking up with an entertained grin.

Suga nods desperately.

“You’re welcome here,” Kenma murmurs, biting his lip as he plays, barely looking up.

Suga falls into the unoccupied bed, relieved, and falls asleep instantly.

-X-

Suga wakes up to Kuroo sitting down beside him and then flopping on top of him. He groans, pulling the blankets over his head.

“If you don’t wake up, Kenma and I are going to start having sex while you’re still here,” Kuroo coos.

“We are not,” Kenma calls.

“Sssh, kitten, he’s got class, we need to chase him out of here…”

“Leave me here to die,” Suga moans.

Kuroo sighs and drags him out of bed. “Come on, Suga, we can’t be the ones to mother you, the world will turn upside down…”

Suga just slumps into his arms. He has class, sure, but he has class with Oikawa and right now he’d rather eat his own socks than look at Oikawa. “I don’t want toooo,” he whispers, but Kuroo is dragging him out of the room and depositing him in the hallway. Suga rolls up to sit and points at him accusingly. “You’re a terrible mother.”

Kuroo shrugs. “Probably,” he says. “Go to class.” And with that, he shuts the door in Suga’s face.

“I am the only nice person in my entire social circle,” Suga mutters to himself.

-X-

That’s the only thing that keeps him from beating Oikawa to death when he sees him. _I am a Really Nice Person_ , he thinks, as he weighs the textbook in his hands and considers whacking Oikawa over the head with it.

This is the second side effect of Iwaizumi being the night’s conquest. Generally, Oikawa is kind of smug when he’s had sex the night before, but when it’s Iwaizumi…

… he gets gloomy.

Gloomy.

He keeps Suga up at night with his mindblowing sex and then he comes to glass gloomy.

Or at least, as gloomy as Oikawa gets. He’s still grinning and teasing and bouncing about, but Suga notices the slight cringe in his face whenever he thinks no one is looking.

Suga sighs and sits beside Oikawa. “Morning,” he mutters.

“Ah, Mr. Refreshing,” Oikawa says, the slight bite in his tone lacking a little. “You look terrible.”

 _I am a Really Nice Person_ , Suga repeats to himself, as he considers how satisfying it might be to strangle Oikawa. Just a little bit. Just a tiny bit…

“So do you,” Suga mutters.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Oikawa huffs. “I always look amazing.”

Suga sighs and leaves him be. He’s most certainly not getting involved with Oikawa’s love life.

Absolutely not.

-X-

“Tanaka!” he cries, catching up with his friend after his last class.

Tanaka turns around, then grins. “Hey, Suga!” he says.

Suga skids to a stop before him, panting a little. God, is he tired.

“Hey, you alright?” Tanaka asks, putting a hand on Suga’s shoulder.

Suga nods. “Yeah, I just didn’t sleep last night. I’m a little winded.”

“Oi, you should be taking care of yourself!” Tanaka says, as though Suga has been causing himself serious harm.

“Don’t worry about it, Tanaka,” Suga says brightly. “I wanted to ask you for a favor, though.”

“Anything for you, Suga!”

-X-

This is honestly a terrible idea. This is such a terrible idea. There is no outcome to this plan that will go well. Suga groans and wipes his hand over his face and walks up to Iwaizumi.

“Iwaizumi-san!” he calls.

Iwaizumi frowns at him for a moment before recognition slides over his face. “Ah, you’re… Oikawa’s… friend?” he says, as though it’s kind of difficult to believe that Oikawa has any actual friends.

Suga figures it’s close enough. Suga hangs out a lot with Kenma and Akaashi, and Kenma, for some reason has a begrudging respect for Oikawa, which seems to be enough of a reason for Oikawa to hang out with them every so often. Though, come to think of it, Suga has never spent time with Oikawa alone, besides class. Oikawa kind of scares him. “Ah… yes,” he says.

“Did he do something?” Iwaizumi asks, eyes narrowing.

“No!” Suga says, waving his hands desperately. “I wanted to ask a favor, actually.”

Iwaizumi blinks at him. “Yeah?”

“You’re in architecture, right?” Suga asks. He hopes he remembered it correctly.

Iwaizumi nods.

“Ah… well… a friend of mine has been thinking of taking a few courses in the architecture department here… I was wondering if you could show her around, tell her about the courses? She’s been thinking of changing careers, and I’m sure she’ll be glad for a little advice?”

“Uh… yeah, sure,” Iwaizumi says, rubbing at his neck. He really is built well, Suga thinks. “When?”

“How is Friday for you?” Suga asks, with a grin. “If you give me your number I can help you two set it up by then.”

-X-

Suga has to move mountains to get everyone in place on Friday. Kenma has been watching him like a hawk all day, knowing that something’s off, but somehow, Suga manages to get them all down to the park in the middle of campus to play a two on two. They all played setter in high school, but Akaashi is ok as a spiker and Oikawa can do just about anything, so for a casual game they manage.

They’ve been there for a half an hour before Suga finally spots Saeko dragging Iwaizumi along. He resists the urge to smile as she glances back and winks at him, snuggling a little closer to Iwaizumi right in time for Oikawa to look over and drop the ball on his own head.

“Is that Iwa-chan?” he asks. “What’s he doing here?”

Akaashi glances over his shoulder. “Mm. Looks like a date,” he says.

Kenma is staring down Suga with a look that could freeze the ocean. Suga avoids his gaze.

Oikawa blanches, then forces a laugh. “No,” he mutters. “Iwa-chan is much too serious for dating… always studying…”

They keep playing, and Oikawa gets progressively more aggressive, until Akaashi is glaring him down. After a while, though, he stumbles, which is what Suga has been counting on.

It might be that Suga is not being a Really Nice Person just now.

Oikawa sits in the grass suddenly, whining. “I didn’t warm up,” he groans. “Now my knee is hurting.”

“I’m sure it’s fine,” Suga says gently.

“It huuuuuurts,” Oikawa moans.

Kenma sighs. “He’s being dramatic, he’s fine.”

“MEAN!”

Oikawa tries to get them to carry him, but he’s trying with the wrong crowd. None of them is actually swayed by Oikawa’s theatrics. In the end, he ends up limping back to the dorm, sniffling so that it’s intentionally very audible.

They shove Oikawa into his room, and Kenma tries to split Suga off the group, but Akaashi nudges his shoulder. “I have something I’d like to talk to you about,” Akaashi says.

Kenma sighs, but he leaves Suga with just a warning glare, like he knows what Suga is up to and is judging him. Deeply. Suga smiles, a bit relieved.

He waits for the others to walk down the hallway, and then calls Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi answers with a quick, “Yeah?”

“Ah… hi,” he says, a bit awkward. “I just wanted to tell you it might be good if you got some ice on the way home… Oikawa sprained his knee a bit earlier. But don’t worry, he said he was fine.”

There’s a long silence, then, “He said that?”

“Yeah, he looked pretty calm about it.”

“Right,” Iwaizumi says, his voice tense. “Thanks for calling me.”

“No problem,” Suga says. “Bye!”

“Bye,” Iwaizumi says, and hangs up.

-X-

Suga can hear them arguing through the night, though they do make an attempt to be quiet after a while.

In the morning, Oikawa looks miserable, and he’s pissy to boot. He’s snippy with everyone, and he’s not even trying to look upbeat about it.

“How’d your plan go?” Tanaka asks him in the evening, after class.

“I may have done a terrible thing,” Suga mutters, slamming his head into the nearest wall.

“Don’t say that!” Tanaka says, latching onto Suga’s shoulder. “You couldn’t possibly do anything bad!”

Suga smiles at that. “I’m only human,” he points out.

“An amazing human!” Tanka cries, shoving his finger into Suga’s face.

Suga sighs. “I suppose we’ll see.”

-X-

Both Oikawa and Iwaizumi are unbearable for the next three days, and Suga can’t hear a solitary peep from their room. Kenma keeps glaring at Suga, though he doesn’t bring it up. Suga feels awful.

On the third day, though, he awakens to a loud thud at nearly two thirty at night. Loud enough that it even wakes Asahi. They blink at each other, but before long it becomes painfully obvious what the thud was.

“Oh, no,” Asahi whispers. “They’re…”

“Yes,” Suga sighs. “They’re definitely…”

If it was unbearable sharing a wall with Oikawa and Iwaizumi’s room before, it _certainly_ is worse now. Apparently Iwaizumi has found a way to make Oikawa _even louder_ than before.

Thankfully, it’s not long before he can hear doors slamming, and then Bokuto’s voice cutting through the night, loud enough that Suga can hear him through the walls. “Oi!” he shouts. “The whole hallway can hear you!”

Suga doesn’t want to know how they manage to stay quiet after that.

-X-

The next day, Oikawa and Iwaizumi are holding hands during lunchtime. Akaashi takes them in with a cool look. “I guess jealousy finally won Oikawa over,” he says.

“It’s the only thing that could,” Kenma mutters, not taking his eyes off Suga.

Suga grins at him. “Well, I’m glad they’re together,” he says.

“Are you?” Akaashi asks, cocking an eyebrow. “Or are you glad Bokuto-san finally told them to be quiet?”

“Both,” Suga says, earnestly.

Kenma nods his head at Oikawa and Iwaizumi. “Look,” he says, and he almost sounds entertained. “Oikawa looks so nervous.”

“When do you think the last time was that he dated someone and took it seriously?” Akaashi asks.

Kenma scoffs. “This has to be the first time.”

Oikawa spots them and drags Iwaizumi over.

“Congratulations,” Akaashi says, with a hint in his voice that he’s still talking about last night, and he’s not exactly thrilled to know as much as he does about what happened.

Oikawa blushes. “S-sorry,” he manages. He’s stock still, and he looks like he’s forgotten how to use his body as he sits with his lunch in his hands, pushed awkwardly in front of him.

Iwaizumi glances at him as he unwraps his sandwich.

“Oi,” he says. “What’s with you? You’re being weird.”

“If I’m an ass, Iwa-chan will break up with me,” Oikawa says, looking pale and staring off into the distance.

“You say that like I didn’t already know you’re an ass,” Iwaizumi says, biting into his sandwich.

“Should I be more of an ass?!” Oikawa asks, eyes not moving, sounding a little panicked.

“Don’t overthink it, Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi says.

Oikawa doesn’t move, most certainly still overthinking it. He looks queasy. Suga tries to offer some encouragement, but he’s not sure how to go about it. Kenma is slowly edging out of his seat to avoid the situation, and Akaashi looks as though he’s entirely forgotten Oikawa is still there, immersed in some other thought.

Iwaizumi sighs and puts down the sandwich, gripping Oikawa’s shoulder. He frowns at Oikawa for a moment, then feels his forehead. “Oi,” he says softly. “You’ve worked yourself into a fever, you idiot.”

“Iwa-chan is being nice to me!” Oikawa cries, dropping his lunch and flailing. Kenma ducks down to avoid his long arms. “I’m dying!”

“You’re not dying, you moron,” Iwaizumi sighs, dragging his boyfriend up. “Come on, we’re going back to the room and you’re going to sleep it off.” Oikawa follows him, on the verge of tears. “Just calm down, stupid.”

Akaashi looks up once they’re gone. “Do you think he’ll get the hang of it?” he asks.

“Eventually,” Kenma mutters.

“They’re cute,” Suga says. Overall, it’s a job well done.

It’s the last job, though. Meddling in people’s love lives isn’t really the sort of thing Suga does.

This really is the last time.

Really.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Atm I have no idea what order I'm going to do these in, so feel free to ask for the next couple in the comments, I guess?
> 
> (I have no clue what I'm doing.)


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